Answering the phone is EXPENSIVE!

"Your support will really help keep kids on the playground and out of the penitentiary."

That was today's telemarketing/fund raising pitch. Some organization of law enforcement that works with kids and sports and something like that... Well how can I argue with logic like that?

"sorry, I have to get a manicure"

In the last few months we have donated to 2 different police organizations and they call us ALL. THE. TIME. We get caught up on the phone with them and it is hard to say NO.

"we really need to eat out everyday this weekend."

"We can send you the information, if that makes you more comfortable"

"sure, that's fine, but I really already spent all my extra money this month at Target."

"Great, so can I put you down for $15"

"no, actually, I am a cold heartless bitch and I don't really care about the kids. or their drugs."

"Since this is a non-profit, the postage has already been paid"

"well, shit, I don't really have anymore excuses...do I?"

So, they are going to send me the paperwork. And I am going to donate 15 dollars to the keep kids off drugs so they stay on the playground and out of the penitentiary.

I am never answering the phone again. It is too expensive.

(repost from 8/15/2008, original "family" blog)

Reconsidering my career options...

Dear Resignation Committee:

Please accept this as my two week notice for the position of Family CEO.

When I started this position, the job description was not clearly explained to me.  I am willing to participate in an exit interview, but I will briefly highlight my reasons for leaving:

1.  I was not provided with any sort of employment manual.

2. My subordinates have absolutely no respect for my authority.

3. This position leaves little room for promotion.

4. I am unsure as to how much personal/sick time I am allowed to take.

5. Additionally, every time I approach human resources about item #4, I never get a clear answer.

6. It was my expectation to receive some sort of raise at some point in my 2 years of employment.

7.  I feel that my "concerns" are not taken seriously.

8.  It seems that I actually spend more money on work related expenses than are reimbursed.

9. I have yet to find the actual reimbursement office.

10. I have yet to receive any recognition for my hard work.

Good luck finding someone else to do this job.

Sincerely,
Me

{Manic Mondays}

Do I love my kids?
yes.
Would I jump in front of a bus for them?
totally. 
would I donate my entire body and organs (even though it's old and gelatinous) to them?
no question.

Then, why, may I ask, do I want to smack the crap out of them every time I'm eating something and they ask for a bite!?
All I want is one whole meal. To myself. That's it. Is it too much to ask to pop up that bagel from the toaster and eat it in all of it's buttery glory down to the very last nibble!? I think not! Get your grubby little hands away from my food! This is mine. It has way more carbs than you are supposed to eat in a lifetime! Eat your effin healthy well balanced meal that I slaved over (before I made my own breakfast, mind you)!!
And another thing! Can I just drink my coffee in peace?! It's taken me 4 days to get through this 10 page Bed Bath and Beyond weekly circular because you keep interrupting me!!! 10 minutes! I know you can do it! All I want is 10 effing minutes.

Crap, I just spent it writing this. Well, guess it looks like another "soggy waffle scraps with some backwashed yogurt" morning for me. MMmmm. iHOP should really copy my menu.